The title says it all. My life was a mess and I really couldn’t put my finger on why until one day, some of the memories came rushing back like a flood. And at that moment, I felt like there was no coming back and my life continued to spiral out of control. From my memory and some very hard conversations, I was sexually molested by my maternal uncle from a young girl and then verbally again as a young adult. I didn’t know how to speak up for myself or if I even wanted to.
Who would believe me? How could I tell my mother that her brother was molesting me, a brother who she loved and cared for like a mother and tell my father who had a “not so good” relationship with my uncle. How? The guilt was unbearable.
What did I do to bring this on myself? If I spoke up, this could destroy my family and I could not bare that. So, I stayed silent, longer than I should have. And then came SAVAS (Sexual Assault Victims Advocacy) group, a group I did not discover until well into my 40s. A group that showed and taught me that I had a voice and one that could be expressed and heard.
And so, through this group, I was able to speak and speak loudly, confront my abuser and get free from all the shame and guilt that came along with my sexual molestation. And while this was a journey for me and not always a pleasant one, it shaped who I am now and has given me the courage and power to not only continue to advocate for myself but for others like me.
While sexual assault/molestation always is out of our control of happening to anyone, we can take our power back and not only survive but THRIVE! I, Damita Gilliam-Frye am thriving!
